I have a question... when you buy a lottery ticket - do you buy the next nights lottery too? Like buy the mega millions for Tuesday and then the Texas Lotto for Wednesday... JUST in case? I do... Am I totally jinxing myself - ya know... by totally knowing that I won't win one - so might as well try for the other? I mean - shit.. you can't win if you don't play, right? Is that retarded that I even think of that? I rarely buy them - but maybe I should more... I mean ... there are more obscure people in the world that have won... and I don't know anyone who has won... so I have a chance... right? scratch offs are for bitches... we buy the dollar ones for the kids - they dig scratching them and have no idea if they win or not... even when they don't win (which is 9 out of 10 times) - we still tell them that atleast one of the ones they scratched wins... a dollar is like dirt to a 2 and 4 year old... haha... they have no idea of what money is... and I guess that is just about how it should be... they have it all... haha... food, clothing, roof... ya know... haha.. the necessities...
Off of that subject - I heard a song this week - "Highway 20 Drive" by the Zac Brown Band... Reminds me of Hud and Hannah... I'm sure that it has to be absolutely heart-wrenching everytime he drops her off here or possibly anytime she's not with him... I mean - seriously - they moved to our neighborhood in Keller to be closer to her...and while I somewhat feel like a shit ass for moving her... I am her mother... and I will do anything and everything that I can to leave a legacy for her... does that makes sense??? I want to give her Wide Open Spaces (hello Dixie Chicks!!!) - freedom to roam... freedom to GROW... freedom to learn what life is really about... I want her to BE... Like REALLLLLLLY BE... Love her life... Love her family... Love her brothers... YES - they are ANNOYING - but DAMN - LOVE THEM ANYWAY! I want her to learn how to live outside of a boxed-in completely controlled environment... I wanted Han to be HOME. and to feel HOME. and guess what??? she's... like... there... if she isn't there... she's really close...
If you've ever had a daughter... It is like... insane. To love... nurture... TEACH... and PROTECT.... She's going to be a mother someday. haha... she made a comment about that last night actually... yes, she's 11... but she has a giraffe that her Meme gave her when she was born... and she said last night "I want to give this to my first baby someday..."... Um... wow... Lightening STRIKE... She's 11 - and is thinking that far ahead... (it is only acceptable for her to ever procreate AFTER college and she lives in her own place on her own for atleast 2 years AND THEN gets married...) it's our deal...k?? like it or hate it... I talk to my daughter. And I want her to be her own woman FIRST... I want her to just BE... and to know that she is THE BEES KNEES... whatever that means... self esteem is SOOOO important... She's just IT. She's smart, beautiful and SOOOO talented in so many ways... I love the fact that she someday wants to do this whole life thing. It's a bitch. Just like a woman! A bitch to deal with - but totally worth it in the long run.
Am I rambling? Maybe... but it's my blog... so I can gush over my beautiful daughter as long as I want.... right??? I will re-read this a million times... and tear up every time... because I love her. sooooooooooooooo freaking much... even more now that she's becoming a woman... yes... it freaks me out... I'm a mommy. It's my job to freak out. Does anyone read this anyway??? other than me?
Ugh.... wow... crap... blah...fart... snot... what??? I just read this outloud to Jeremy and cried like a baby... I CAN'T NOT love her that much...
Ok... so that's what I've got right now.... oh crap... I have more.
I love my husband. He is a good man... A good father... and tries his ass off to make me happy...working it out..
much love - H
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