Finding Leeland... I hope...

Tonight I spoke to my brothers mother - that I haven't seen since he was a little less than 2... Anyway... it's been 16 years and I have thought and wondered about him for that long...

Unfortunately - I was told that his mom (who is SUCH a nice, welcoming woman) that she "booked and left town and wants nothing to do with us".... So dumb to believe that crap and not try harder to know someone who shares the same blood that I do.

I realize that Lee will probably be really disappointed in his father... he probably totally is already... But I hope and pray that he doesn't hold the abscence of us against us. We were kids too... And listened to our father - who 'mind you' isn't the most forthcoming with the truth.

I remember Lee's eyes... his hair (when he was 2)... the time he pooped all over me and my first husband because he had a stomach virus- (who at the time was my first serious boyfriend of a whole month (in 1992)...

Lee's mom told me that he looks like my sister Mel... She also told me that he is 6 foot tall!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG!! WE ARE ALL MIDGETS!!! haha... Dad MAY be 5'7... Beth and Mel are like between 5'3 and 5'5... We are NOT tall people!!! haha...

Lee's mom (Brenda) also told me - that he goes by Lee... :) Not Leeland... not Scott... But Lee. I am glad to know that. I'm also glad to know that he's smart, handsome, and LOVED by his mom, his sister Taylor and his dad Mike. He had a family... A good one.

K- so I will stop - but may come back and edit - and say more...

Love and blessings to all...

"God came to see me last night"

This is what Haden told me while eating breakfast this morning. He is usually impossible to get out of bed in the morning and cranky as cranky can be - but this morning I went to his room... He popped his head up with a big smile and said "Good Morning Mommy! Is the sun waking up?" :o) Anyway- as I was walking out of the living room to finish getting ready he says, "Mommy - God came to see me last night." It stopped me in my tracks - I turned around and said "What???" He answers.... "God came to my room last night to see me." I asked him what he looked like and he said "I saw an Orange light" .... I asked why he came to see him and he said "I don't know mommy..." I didn't think to ask him how he knew it was God... But I will definitely be asking a few questions tonight.

I was a little freaked out about it - not sure why... We said his prayer together before he went night night - I checked on him several times like I always do - and Holton ended up in bed with us - so I don't know if he saw me or if he really saw God... Weird. But interesting. More on that later!

Isn't THIS nice???

Haden and Holton are always ravenous (atleast they act like they are) when we get home... Even though - they have a snack at school at like 4 - and I always have a snack for our drive home - but for some reason this is how nice they like to be when we get home.... (last night we got home at 6.... This was 6:05!




NNNIIIIIIICE! I'm thinking America's Funniest Home Video!

So much for a blog a day... haha...

I skipped TWO! :) ANYWAY - started 30 Day Shred this morning... Planning on going 30 days straight... NO beer - no super-crap food (I have to eat SOMETHING that tastes good here and there).... I only made it to the gym twice last week - so far 3 times this week and going at lunch... so... We'll see what happens!

A post a day... I think I might try this!

I've noticed some of the other girls attempting a post (or picture) a day for the year. I don't think I can post a pic a day - but I can atleast say something here and there... I need to do a family update... And update my other blog!

I RETRACT yesterday's post!!!

OMG.... DRIVING ME ABSOLUTELY BAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTYYYYYYYY this morning... Super turds in ACTION!

I love them - but man. FLKJ:SDGHJS:LGJH:SLKHT:LSDJTG:SLJ!!!

It Won't Be Like This For Long....

I just heard this song - and it so spoke to my heart - and there are a million moments that I remind myself and Jer that "it won't be like this for long" - To myself I say - THEY won't be this small forever... The won't want me forever, I can only pray that they will love me forever.... BUT this song seriously said it right - " IT WON'T BE LIKE THIS FOR LONG" - Darius Rucker

But really... The frustrations that we feel are coming from so many directions... Work, School, Kids, LIFE!!!! The craptastic economy... But really... What were our reasons for having babies? And now that we have - WHY so much frustration????

I'm thinking a 3 part breakdown - but... really its like 20!!! BUT read...

#1: = DESERVED (for what we did to our parents -knowingly and unknowingly...) You know that you were in your heart a good kid - but you ALSO know the HELLLLLLL that you put your parents through!


#2: WANTED - WE as husband and wife - decided that WE wanted to procreate and cause this freaking chaos and insanity... regardless of how much they scream.... They are still freaking screaming... That means that they are still breathing - and we've kept them alive! That may seem morbid - but seriously - our job until they can function on their own - other than love and shelter - our job is to keep them ALIVE... Mind you - it is almost freaking impossible with 2 boys... Especially Holt - he wants to run, jump, crash INTO EVERYTHING! Sometimes it feels like the only words that I know are "NO! - DON'T do that! - PLEASE STOP!!! and mostly "OH MY GOD HE'S GOING TO KILL HIMSELF!!!!"

I'll go onto #3: NEEDED.... God gave us the most beautiful gift EVER - to be able to have these sweet little babies to bring up and teach and nurture and LOVE LOVE LOVE... But again - I must say they can be TUUUUURDS!!!!! hehehe... No mommy and daddy time anymore - it seems like maybe never again!!! haha... We, as parents have to remember - that as freaking frustrating that 'they' can be - we wouldn't want it any other way - and that it was OUR love that created them... And it is the same thing that will continue to make them strive and grow. IF WE MAKE IT - They have such a better chance... IF we survive the insanity and the chaos and the frustrations - WE can make the biggest imprint on 3 beautiful, smart and talented children - that will one day be sitting here blogging about their own life, children and chaotic lives.

I just hope that they really know how blessd that 'THEY' have made my life. Momma needs to take a step back ALOT more - and recognize how good she has it... Because "It Won't Be Like This For Long".... And to be quite honest - I am really going to miss it.