Thursday, December 24, 2009

Literally - BEST DAY EVER!!!!!

I don't know if anyone has ever seen the Spongebob Episode "Best Day Ever"???? Well... if you have or haven't - today has been the best day ever... My daughter has had THE BOMBEST of the BOMB time today running around in circles on HER land in the snow... She made little (really shallow) snow angels - tried to make a snowman... HAD A GRAND ASS TIME!

Have entirely too many videos to post - but as anyone knows me - I'm a posty posterton! :)

Here are tonights 3.....

Wait until tomorrow... uber fun to be had!!!! LOVE to all!!!

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Haden's Christmas Program - 2009

Last night was fun... Haden and Holton looked adorable in their matchy matchy outfits I found... The pants swallowed them both - shirts a bit snug - sweaters just right on both... Go figure...

Anyway - Haden did a great job performing - he did the same weird mouth thing Hannah did when she was his age performing in the same program! haha... :) (IT's ME!!!) Common denominator!

Happy Birthday Jesus:

He's such a handsome boy... Seriously - I know I'm his mom... But the kid is freaking GORGEOUS!

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This was his favorite song of the program... He seems to be checking out what everyone else is doing - and we are trying to figure out our new camera... so sweet!

Ok... night all... worky worky early!!!

Much love!

JH, H, H and H


YAY! It's official! We are on our way to Midlothian come Saturday! :o) We own it as of today even though we closed yesterday... (had to wait for funding!!)

ANYWAY - the reality will set in once we are there at how much really needs to be done, but right now we are celebrating that we fought a good fight and we won... There will be battles to come - but I'm blocking those out right now... (well, my left eye is blocking them so that I can still type looking with my right!) haha...

It's time to be fun, it's time to show our kids the beauty of nature, it's time for Jer and I to ROCK IT like we do... It's time for my emotional-ass to settle down and just enjoy this crazy life that we live...Because the Lord has been exceptionally good to us...

Proverbs 12: 11 hard work brings prosperity; only a fool idles away his time.

Isn't that the truth??? Jer and I have worked hard for all we've received - and been faithful in doing so... Of course, not without hitting a valley on occasion - but still... We've built a life together... and now for our children... And I can only hope and pray for the Grace of God to continue blessing our family!!!

Signing out for today... :) I might sign back in to blog about Haden's Christmas program last night... Or I might just wait for tomorrow! haha... We'll see...

Much love to you and yours!

Heather, Jer, Hannah, Haden and Holton

Thursday, December 3, 2009

WHAT A MESS!!!!!!!!!

Whew... The last 3 months have been an ABSOLUTE emotional roller coaster... We've been living out of boxes tucked away in the garage for a month now - since we thought we would have already been closed and out of here atleast 2 weeks ago... New lender... Same issues-ish... Scared to death that I'm going to lead my family into financial ruin by making the wrong decisions... That's normal right? Or am I being overly cautious? Neurotic maybe?

I was reminded today by Jer (after completely throwing in the towel and giving up on the house on 663) - that I've been fighting this battle for 3 months... Tenaciously fighting... and that I'm within a week of actually winning... He said that I fought the battle and 'did it... babe... you did it...'

WHHHHHAAAA.... It made me cry. He only says that "I" won it - because I've been the one on the phone or email 24/7... Keeping track of the progress - fighting this and or that.... Basically taking the brunt of the bullshit. I call it bullshit - because really... IT IS... Red tape is what it is - BS. Especially when you have two people that are just trying to make a better life for the kids... We make decent money, have great credit, pay everyting (literally - everything) early... No debt other than my school loans and the Durango... Sorry... I guess seeing the facts in front of me as I type reiterates everything I've been dealing with over and over and over again for 3 months.

We haven't won yet. We'll see what happens in the coming days...

I do want to say - thank you to everyone who's been listening to our story - especially our family who have SERIOUSLY GOT TO BE TIRED of the ups and downs over and over again. All in all - it could be worse... We are blessed beyond blessed regardless of what happens... I asked for prayers and got a perfect one from our beautiful sister Stacey Leigh:

Dear Lord...I pray that you give Heather and Jeremy the strength to endure this difficult time. I pray that they can be patient and always remember that you are in the driver seat! Please give them the will power to let go, not worry, and let you take care of this. I pray they remember that if it is in your plan for their lives to have this will be....and if it is not, I pray that they know deep down in their hearts that what you do have in store is always so much sweeter. Please give them closer soon so that their hearts may rest. Help them to be thankful for the blessings they do have that no lender, nor realtor, nor anyone sitting in an office somewhere can take away from them and that is each other and you. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen.


Now... isn't that just completely IT???? Thank you Stacey - we love you and thank you for the prayers and the enlightenment.

Love you all... And many many many blessing to you and yours...


Monday, November 23, 2009

Halloween - A MONTH LATER!!!!

I'm really going to get better at blogging... haha... I keep saying that! haha...

Anyway - we had a great Halloween! Hannah was a 'dork-nerd' and Miranda was a Zombie... the boys were lions and Haden was Superman too... :)

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Holton was TOTALLLLLLY not happy.... Alex was trying to figure things out and Haden was JUST FINE!
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Han and Miranda totally Trick-r-Treating...
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The boys the night before Halloween...
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Anyway- it was a good night... :) Much love!

For Those who Want to know...

I've been trying not to post too much of FB about the goings on of the house - because I'm sure it's totally annoying - being that it is the ABSOLUTELY ONLY thing I can think about right now - but in all honesty - it is....

We've been up - down - right - left - upside down - right side up - you name it - we've been there emotionally over the last 2.5 months.... AND YES, we know this is not the only place on the planet - but it captured our hearts - regardless of whether we fit NOW - a 5 person family in 2 bedrooms and 1200 sq feet... haha...

ANYWAY - the latest... This afternoon after Han's doc appt. - I got a call from Ronnie, our uncle and Realtor and our lender Sam... he called in a favor - and it looks like we are now good to go. Waiting on documents from the attorney basically stating that we aren't using the property to produce income. (totally FUUUHHHH-reaking stupid if you ask me...) Wouldn't you PREFER the people BUYING and PAYING for the house and property to be making MORE money??? REGARDLESS of whether it's agriculturally or not???? whatever.... We're just ready to be done with this!

In hindsight - all of my freaking out, flipping out and basically stressing out to the point of going to bed as soon as I got home... (minor depression maybe???) - I've realized that I have no control over this situation, which is totally BLOWTSTIC for a control freak - but it just freaking IS... and dang it... I'm trying to be more like Jer I guess... and CHIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!

So- right now... we're just waiting on the attorney to get the docs to our lender... and then we should be ready to close.... believe it when I see it... Everyday here is another $50 in RENT! and we can't go nuts on Christmas until after closing... so... all is on hold until we get this situation handled!!!

There ya go... That in a nutshell...

we'll see what happens tomorrow...

Friday, October 23, 2009

So this is really happening...


UMMMMMMMMMMMM.... Holy crapola peeps.... Yes... I am. I should phrase that differently - WE are moving to the country. We are really picking up our comfy little picture perfect (boring) life - and moving on to an adventure of a lifetime....

I'm excited, anxious, nervous, happy, freaked out, - ummm excited (yes I said that twice) - at this whole crazy insanity that we are venturing towards.

Momma is going to be happy... My babies are going to be happy... My husband is going to be happy.... YAY! (han's freaking a bit - but she is like her mother - so.... that being said - she'll come around like I do... all the time... haha)

Anyway - going to bed now... Heading out early to the Air Show... the boys are going to LOVE it... :)

Yay! Picture time for momma!!!

Much love - Heather

Friday, October 16, 2009

Under the Weather this Week....

Well, for someone who seems to have an iron clad immune system - I'm feeling pretty crappy today. Not sure if it is allergy related or if I'm really getting sick but I know it isn't fun!!! Anyway - onto more exciting new...

The house on 663 in Midlothian is still in play. We had the inspection done last Wednesday and on Thursday we cancelled the contract. Almost everything that could be deficient (roof, foundation, electrical, septic) - was. While walking away was hard - we definitely don't have the $$ to do all of the renovations that we want to do AND repair everything and STILL pay 190K for the place...

We got a call on Saturday from Ronnie explaining that the seller had no idea there were so many issues with his house and didn't want us to think he was trying to pull one over on us. He agreed to make all the necessary repairs as well as accept 180K, still pay 10K towards closing... YAY!!!!! Now... before anyone gets too excited - we haven't rec'd this in writing yet - I won't believe it til I see it. ANNNNNNNNNDDDD we still need a buyer for our house in Keller.

A few pics from our last visit out there:

This is where we are going to build a 'mud room' and attache the house to the garage (which will become living space)...
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The kids getting familiar with one of the horses - front pasture:

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The back pasture - we haven't walked yet - but soon enough!

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This is just an old tree that I thought looked neat - we'll probably have to cut it down...

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Little Man Holt headed in to spread his muddy feet around!!

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The drive:

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Now just pray it all works out! Much love! Heather

Thursday, September 24, 2009

well well well... really? a month?

It's been a month since I last blogged - and wow... ALOT is going on!!! Jer and I have finally decided to sell our much beloved domicile and move to the country... Not too far out - but just far enough out so that we have some land to work with and on (and there is a starbucks close enough when Mel comes to visit!!!).

SOOOO.... Mary (Jer's momma and my adopted momma) has been telling us about a house in Midlothian for quite some time and we finally went to check it out last weekend and quite honestly fell in love with it... It's not the house really that we fell in love with - it was the land - and the space and the potential for our kids to learn how to live in a different way than what they can living the city life... Not that I really consider Keller the 'city' - but it is when you lay it all down on the line...

Everything is all up in the air right now - we haven't submitted an offer yet - we haven't listed our house yet (although we are totally going to this weekend once we gut the backyard and make it nice again)... We have alot of positives on our side... Both of us have decent credit - (good actually) - and we've been preapproved twice as of this afternoon...

I have been absolutely trepidatious about the idea of moving because of Hannah... what would she think? would she want to go? what about her dad? what about school? what the hell are we going to do with land? what do you do with a cow when it gets sick - like really??? haha... BUT - Han is totally in - Hud is completely supportive - and hell that gives us FLYING rights!!! haha.. SO that being said -

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It has SOOOOOOOOOOOOO much potential... So- those God lovers out there - say a little prayer for this part of the Ljongquist/Moorhead/Holt etc. family... We really hope they accept our offer as is... And we REALLLLY need to sell our place... so - keeps us in your thoughts and send good wishes our way!!!

Much love -

H-J-H-H and H (that's alot of H's!!!!!) :) hee hee

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

How many times can I say seriously???

Another thing to add to my long list of 'want to's' is to update our family blog more... I mean to - would be AWESOME if I could do it daily - but really... HELLO!!! There are only so many hours in a day...

That being said - I want to chronicle the 'days in the lives' of the Moorheads... Of course the kids... because I'm a bragger (I'm a mom!! HELLO!!!)... But- really I love reading other peoples blogs... Not sure if anyone reads mine - except me... Like over and over again looking for grammatical errors... crap... did I spell that right??? haha.... Over and over again in my head...

ANYWAY... Of late - we've had alot of action going on... Our summer has been pretty lazy - we've been to the pool two or three times... We have albino-ish kids (other than Haden who got Daddy's skin) so mom is a little scared of too much sun - and I always feel like a whale - so... there ya go... haha.... That doesn't really sound like too much action - but with work.. climbing that corporate ladder (Jeremy), keeping the house somewhat in order, spending as much time with the kids as possible, 'family' stuff, visitors, yadda yadda yadda yadda.... (the family stuff is the ACTION!!!)

My sisters came to visit the first week of August... We haven't been together (all of us) in over 5 years... Which is RIDICULOUS... But with a sister in the Navy in Tennessee, a sister married to a Navy man in California and a sister who just had a baby right up the road - it has been insanely impossible for us to be TOGETHER....

I have to say that there was ALOT of anxiety before the visit - not so much on my part... I live here... I deal with 'the parent' anxiety all of the time... But it was a really nice visit... Six Flags, the zoo (which we will probably like NEVER visit again... how any times can you see sleeping animals and monkeys digging in their butts?????) Anyway - my sisters also had the chance to 'meet/see' our brother Lee and his family for the first time in 16 years... which was AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE to be back in contact with Lee and his family... His sister Taylor automatically has 3 more sisters!!! and once they meet Jer's side of the family - she and he both have 8 more sisters AND another brother! That's LOTS and LOTS of kids!!!!

This is Me, Beth, Lee, Mel and Taylor... (we couldn't get OUR kids to accommodate!)

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This one is a little fuzzy - but Lee's momma is in it.. She and Mike (and Grandma and Grandpa) did a REALLLLLLY good job of raising a good kid...ummm... correction - MAN!!! He's going into the freaking MARINES!!! HELLLO!!!!

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Ok - so that part of the girls (Mel and Beth) trip was absolutely the HIGHLIGHT of the week - but me being me - I have to be mushy a little... I was SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO happy to have my sisters back home... in my home... their little sleepy heads were snoozing under Jer and I's roof....I seriously - felt COMPLETE... While that might be TOTALLY goofy - I LOVE my sisters not only as sisters... I love them as the pretty little awkward kids that they were... The teenagers that I didn't know well enough... And now - the beautiful, smart, talented, loving, driven, "I CAN DO IT ALL", mmmmmpppppcccchhhhwwwwaaaa women that they have become... It's like insanely nutness that we are all about to be in our 30's... Mel has 4.5 months to hit the 30 mark... but WOW... are we REALLLLLLLY here? Did we all freaking buck the system and break the cycle of idiocy??? Honestly - yes, we all did... everyone has their hang ups - but totally conscious of them.... The first step in anything is accepting the fact that you aren't perfect - right??? Whew... (wiping tears away while reading this to Jeremy) - I really am proud of my sisters... and myself... wooo to the freeaaakkkiiinnngg hoo!!! Good job... Kim, Beth, Mel and ME!

In this pic - Beth, Kim and Alex, Hannah, Tab, Caden, Haden, Holton, Me and Mel... :)

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I PROMISE (to me) to blog more... and freaking record this crap... (I'm trying not to cuss) - so.... at this point all I've got is - I love you Beth, Mel and Kimberly.... More than I can ever ever say or show... You are my girls... you might POSSIBLY read this if I send you the freaking link... but really... I love you...

Love - Heather Feather....

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Jammin' out to the Black Eyed Peas...

haha... Sitting at my desk - working... trying to wrap up for the week since I'm on VACATION next week!!! WAHOO!! Beth, Caden and Mel are coming Saturday... We'll have a HOUSE FULLLLLLL!!! I'm totally stoked! :)

Anyway - Haden's bday party was last weekend - and the boys have A BLAST!!! I was worried (of course) because there were like hardly ANY RSVP's... and we ended up with atleast 40 peeps in and out throughout the day! The bounce house was a hit... Perfect breeze flowing through - so the 100+ temp. didn't really affect the kiddos too much... I even got in a few times... (Haden said I was too big!!) haha... What does he know? He's 4. haha... Anyway - below are a few of my favorite pics from the day (ALOT!):

This is a happy boy!!!

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Another REALLY happy boy - he was DEVASTATED when the bounce house left!

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I'm FOUR!!!

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I just love this kid! :)

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I have alot of catching up to do blog wise... More to come!! :)

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Seriously... What is wrong with me???

I have NOT been keeping up with the blog - it seems we have SOOOO much going on ALL the time!!!

The boys are doing great - Holton just turned two in June, Haden turned 4 this Tuesday... This Saturday is his big birthday bash! Big 'ol bounce house and all! :)

Some of my favorites from Holton's bday:

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Haden wanted a mohawk for his birthday... So we decided - what they heck... They are only little once - and really this is probably the only time in their lives that I'll be OK with a mohawk!!! haha.... I'll have to upload a few pics tonight when I get home... Worky is not working for me!!!

Anyway - Blog more later today about Haden baby's bday!

Monday, July 6, 2009

Long time no blog!

I've completely spaced on blogging lately! We've had Hannah and Holton's bdays since last time I've had time to blog (or shall I say TAKEN the time)! :)

Anyway - I'll have to post some pics and such later today... :

Friday, May 29, 2009

Alexander Leon Perkins... 05.26.09

So.... It has been LIKE FOREVER since I've blogged.... But today I have THE MOST fabulous reason to do so....

My BEAUTIFUL sister Kimberly has had the most beautiful baby boy in the ENTIRE world!!! (Mine are pretty cute - but seriously - Alex is GORGEOUS!!!!)

I am SO beyond proud of Kimberly and Alan.... :) I am overwhelmed with emotion at the thought of Alex.... He has been blessed by God - to have my sister as a mother.. mommy.... mom... omg...... and to have Alan as a daddy... OMG!!!!!!!!!!!! MY SISTER KIM is a MOMMY!!! HOLY HOLY WOW!!! How is it possible to love a baby so much???? I didn't have him - but OMG - I am in love with him!!!!

Anyway - I seriously cannot believe how in love I am with a little man named Alex.... He has SOOOOOOOOOO much love ahead of him... I cannot wait until my little Alex is ready to play with my little Holton and Haden....
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Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Did I mention that I'm going to be an AUNT.... AGAIN!???? :)

My sister Kimberly is having a baby!!! We had the shower last weekend... She's absolutely GLOWING!!!!

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ANYWAY... We are so excited for Kimberly and Alan!!! WOO! HOO!!!

Alexander Leon Perkins is still brewing... :)

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Did I mention that one of my 'besties' came to the shower??? Brandie beauty!!!

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The shower turned out great - all my worry was ridiculous (as usual!!!)

The shower folks...

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We can't wait to meet Alex!!!! LOVE YOU KIMMIE!!! :)

Did I mention we are adding to our family????

Oh Lord people... Seriously... I'm not pregnant again... While it is April Fools Day - we don't joke about THAT... haha...

ANYWAY... We are getting a puppy!!! Well - she's not a puppy - she's 6 years old and her name is Josie and she needs a home... We've GOT ONE!!! A warm welcoming home that wants to add to our family!

We get to meet her on Friday - a few pics from her 'parents'...

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Will definitely post more as soon as I have pics of Josie with the kids... Hannah is SOOOOOOOOO excited!!!! The boys don't really understand yet... :)

Much Love!

SOOO much to blog about!!! sooooo LITTLE time to do so!

So - I've totally been meaning to update... And seriously haven't had the time... It seems we are busier than ever lately... and the boys aren't even in sports yet! haha... I an only imagine when they are!

Anyway - the past month of weekends have been absolutely jam packed! We made a trip to Texarkana to meet my baby sis Mel.... Dropping off Hannah-Spanana for spring break... We were actually suppose to meet in Hope, Arkansas - but Mel drives faster... DUH!! LEAD FOOT!!! Anyway - we got a few cute pics from that trip that OF COURSE are not on this computer!!!

Hannah had a blast with Aunt Mel - they visited historical everything and went to see Romeo and Juliet... Turned out to be an 'EMO-ish' type theatrical... So neither were super bored - but not uber-impressed either!

We drove back out the next weekend and decided to head out on Friday after work and somehow (with lots of butt-puckers) to Hot Springs... We'd never been there - and it was really nice!!! Not so much the 'motel' that we stayed in - but Hot Springs in general... The mountain is absolutely GORGEOUS!!! I'll have to post pics from my other computer because they aren't on this one!!! BUUUUUUUTTT... On our drive back we stopped at the farm and spent the day... We had fun exploring!!! Well... Most of the fam did... Haden - NOT SO MUCH!!!

heee heee... Does that make me a mean momma??? MAYBE! BUT IT WAS FUNNY!

Seriously people.. that was funny!!!!

Monday, March 30, 2009


I have so many family things to blog about but have totallllllly been slacking!!! :) I'm taking a quick break right now just to type this!!! Updates will definitely be showing up this week...

Today starts my "super-fitness get totally back in shape by July" health kick... I ran yesterday - and had planned on going at lunch today... Get this... I've been ill all morning?? what the heck? Like seriously ill... I just took some pepto - have my trashcan close because I feel like I'm going to hurl non-stop! WHYYYYY??? Maybe I'll feel better shortly... If not - I'll run tonight...

I can't even think about food - so maybe that's a good thing? haha...

Updates to come!!!!!

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Finding my way home...

Wow... I haven't blogged in awhile - because I didn't have the right words - or maybe the time wasn't just right... but I feel like it right now... I've SERIOUSLY gone through a spiritual transformation of sorts... I guess that's what you call it... I have no idea... But I know... I know know know... You want to know what I know???? hahahahhahahahahha...

I know that I have been blessed beyond blessed.... Beautiful healthy children, a wonderful, loving, 'stand beside me', does everything on the planet to make me happy husband, beyond fabulous sisters.. blood and non-blood... ( my T, Stacey, Court, Brit Brit, Amanda, Bran....)sheesh - in my moment of losing my brain... I have just been blessed - and realize that I've been taking ALLLLLLL of this for granted... Like ridiculously...

Have you ever written a letter to God? If you haven't - I ABSOLUTELY recommend it. It is something that I learned in Bible study - writing a simple letter.. And taking the time to let him write back... IT IS AMAZING.... SERIOUSLY...

Anyway - it has been A LONG time 'a-coming' for me to be back in this place.... And I'm really happy in my heart. I struggle... ALOT... BUT I am trying to be whole... Whole in the spirit of Christ... And our Lord - and the Holy Spirit...

A few months ago I was questioning why there were 3... Like - who am I suppose to pray to???? Ummmmmmm... duh!!! I pray to God... In the name of his Son - Jesus Christ who spilled his blood for me... for us...

I am very very thankful to Tracey for asking me (and signing me up) to go to 'Stones of The Heart'.... In a MILLION years - I didn't think that it was the place for me... But in truth - it was the absolute place that God wanted and led me to be... I met some wonderful women there... And I learned SOOOO much about myself... And my place in this world... Oh - and whether I was a sheep or a goat.... OR a sheep with goat tendencies....(VERY important!!!!) I have ALOT of goat tendencies... BUT I am NOT a goat... I am a precious part of a beautiful flock... I am a sheep... I will follow my Shepherd...

The Lord is my Shepherd -
I shall not be in want...
He makes me lie down in green pastures
He leads me beside quiet waters...
He restores my soul.
He leads me in the righteous path for his name' sake...

Although I walk through the valley of death
I fear no evil
Your rod and staff
They comfort me
He prepares a table before my enemies
He anoints me head with oil
My cup overflows...

For surely - goodness and mercy
will follow me all the days of my life...
And I will dwell in the house
of the Lord FOREVER....

(wooooooooooo hooooo!!!! LOVIN' IT!)

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

WOW! What a week ALREADY!!!!

So... it is only Wednesday Morning and it has already been one of the best weeks of my life. :) I've had an awakening of sorts - and found support in places I'd never looked before... Actually - had never reached out for it... I found my brother - that has been in my heart and head for the past 16 years (that I hadn't seen him)... I found a little bit of 'peace' within myself - and have finally gotten my head around where my issues stem from and have taken the first (and second) steps in order to 'be CONTENT' - just as God wants me to be. I'm really opening up in my bible study class... I'm not usually forthcoming with my personal demons - but have felt completely and totally welcome, accepted, understood and NOT JUDGED... WOW.... It's really possible! haha...

Anyway - this goes along with my perception of what I'm learning in bible study and from another really cool group of people that I'm working with... "I'm Safe - Up High = Your like Perfection" - Um... God!!! Yes, I'm safe - Up High - He is perfection... :) And man - I feel really good today. See lyrics for PINK's song "SOBER" below. How perfect is this?????????????????

Sober Lyrics – by PINK

I don't wanna be the girl who laughs the loudest
Or the girl who never wants to be alone
I don't wanna be that call at four o'clock in the morning
'Cause I'm the only one you know in the world that won't be home

Aahh, the sun is blinding - I stayed up again
Oohh, I am finding - That's not the way I want my story to end

I'm safe - Up high - Nothing can touch me
But why do I feel this party's over?
No pain – Inside - You're my protection
But how do I feel this good sober?

I don't wanna be the girl who has to fill the silence...
The quiet scares me 'cause it screams the truth
Please don't tell me that we had that conversation
When I won't remember, save your breath, 'cause what's the use?

Aahh, the night is calling - And it whispers to me softly, "come and play"
Aahh, I am falling - And if I let myself go, I'm the only one to blame

I'm safe - Up high - Nothing can touch me
But why do I feel this party's over?
No pain – Inside - You're like perfection
But how do I feel this good sober?

I'm comin' down
Comin' down
Comin' down
Spinnin' round
Spinnin' round
Spinnin' round
Looking for myself.. Sober

When it's good, then it's good, it's so good, 'till it goes bad
Till you're trying to find the you that you once had
I have heard myself cry - Never again
Broken down in agony
And just trying to find a friend

I'm safe - Up high - Nothing can touch me
But why do I feel this party's over?
No pain – Inside - You're like perfection
But how do I feel this good sober?
You're like perfection
But how do I feel this good sober?

How do I feel this good sober?

ANYWAY - have a wonderful and blessed week!!! ;) I'm certainly feeling blessed.

Much Love - H

Friday, January 30, 2009

Finding Leeland... I hope...

Tonight I spoke to my brothers mother - that I haven't seen since he was a little less than 2... Anyway... it's been 16 years and I have thought and wondered about him for that long...

Unfortunately - I was told that his mom (who is SUCH a nice, welcoming woman) that she "booked and left town and wants nothing to do with us".... So dumb to believe that crap and not try harder to know someone who shares the same blood that I do.

I realize that Lee will probably be really disappointed in his father... he probably totally is already... But I hope and pray that he doesn't hold the abscence of us against us. We were kids too... And listened to our father - who 'mind you' isn't the most forthcoming with the truth.

I remember Lee's eyes... his hair (when he was 2)... the time he pooped all over me and my first husband because he had a stomach virus- (who at the time was my first serious boyfriend of a whole month (in 1992)...

Lee's mom told me that he looks like my sister Mel... She also told me that he is 6 foot tall!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG!! WE ARE ALL MIDGETS!!! haha... Dad MAY be 5'7... Beth and Mel are like between 5'3 and 5'5... We are NOT tall people!!! haha...

Lee's mom (Brenda) also told me - that he goes by Lee... :) Not Leeland... not Scott... But Lee. I am glad to know that. I'm also glad to know that he's smart, handsome, and LOVED by his mom, his sister Taylor and his dad Mike. He had a family... A good one.

K- so I will stop - but may come back and edit - and say more...

Love and blessings to all...

Monday, January 19, 2009

"God came to see me last night"

This is what Haden told me while eating breakfast this morning. He is usually impossible to get out of bed in the morning and cranky as cranky can be - but this morning I went to his room... He popped his head up with a big smile and said "Good Morning Mommy! Is the sun waking up?" :o) Anyway- as I was walking out of the living room to finish getting ready he says, "Mommy - God came to see me last night." It stopped me in my tracks - I turned around and said "What???" He answers.... "God came to my room last night to see me." I asked him what he looked like and he said "I saw an Orange light" .... I asked why he came to see him and he said "I don't know mommy..." I didn't think to ask him how he knew it was God... But I will definitely be asking a few questions tonight.

I was a little freaked out about it - not sure why... We said his prayer together before he went night night - I checked on him several times like I always do - and Holton ended up in bed with us - so I don't know if he saw me or if he really saw God... Weird. But interesting. More on that later!

Friday, January 16, 2009

Isn't THIS nice???

Haden and Holton are always ravenous (atleast they act like they are) when we get home... Even though - they have a snack at school at like 4 - and I always have a snack for our drive home - but for some reason this is how nice they like to be when we get home.... (last night we got home at 6.... This was 6:05!

NNNIIIIIIICE! I'm thinking America's Funniest Home Video!

So much for a blog a day... haha...

I skipped TWO! :) ANYWAY - started 30 Day Shred this morning... Planning on going 30 days straight... NO beer - no super-crap food (I have to eat SOMETHING that tastes good here and there).... I only made it to the gym twice last week - so far 3 times this week and going at lunch... so... We'll see what happens!

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

A post a day... I think I might try this!

I've noticed some of the other girls attempting a post (or picture) a day for the year. I don't think I can post a pic a day - but I can atleast say something here and there... I need to do a family update... And update my other blog!

I RETRACT yesterday's post!!!


I love them - but man. FLKJ:SDGHJS:LGJH:SLKHT:LSDJTG:SLJ!!!

Sunday, January 11, 2009

It Won't Be Like This For Long....

I just heard this song - and it so spoke to my heart - and there are a million moments that I remind myself and Jer that "it won't be like this for long" - To myself I say - THEY won't be this small forever... The won't want me forever, I can only pray that they will love me forever.... BUT this song seriously said it right - " IT WON'T BE LIKE THIS FOR LONG" - Darius Rucker

But really... The frustrations that we feel are coming from so many directions... Work, School, Kids, LIFE!!!! The craptastic economy... But really... What were our reasons for having babies? And now that we have - WHY so much frustration????

I'm thinking a 3 part breakdown - but... really its like 20!!! BUT read...

#1: = DESERVED (for what we did to our parents -knowingly and unknowingly...) You know that you were in your heart a good kid - but you ALSO know the HELLLLLLL that you put your parents through!

#2: WANTED - WE as husband and wife - decided that WE wanted to procreate and cause this freaking chaos and insanity... regardless of how much they scream.... They are still freaking screaming... That means that they are still breathing - and we've kept them alive! That may seem morbid - but seriously - our job until they can function on their own - other than love and shelter - our job is to keep them ALIVE... Mind you - it is almost freaking impossible with 2 boys... Especially Holt - he wants to run, jump, crash INTO EVERYTHING! Sometimes it feels like the only words that I know are "NO! - DON'T do that! - PLEASE STOP!!! and mostly "OH MY GOD HE'S GOING TO KILL HIMSELF!!!!"

I'll go onto #3: NEEDED.... God gave us the most beautiful gift EVER - to be able to have these sweet little babies to bring up and teach and nurture and LOVE LOVE LOVE... But again - I must say they can be TUUUUURDS!!!!! hehehe... No mommy and daddy time anymore - it seems like maybe never again!!! haha... We, as parents have to remember - that as freaking frustrating that 'they' can be - we wouldn't want it any other way - and that it was OUR love that created them... And it is the same thing that will continue to make them strive and grow. IF WE MAKE IT - They have such a better chance... IF we survive the insanity and the chaos and the frustrations - WE can make the biggest imprint on 3 beautiful, smart and talented children - that will one day be sitting here blogging about their own life, children and chaotic lives.

I just hope that they really know how blessd that 'THEY' have made my life. Momma needs to take a step back ALOT more - and recognize how good she has it... Because "It Won't Be Like This For Long".... And to be quite honest - I am really going to miss it.